Today while I shopped at a classy store for the budget-minded, a store named Target, I came across an interesting artifact that resides in every household: the nail clipper. There are two types of nail clippers in this world, the ones built with a guard that keeps all the nail fragments nicely deflected within the casing, and the ones without, allowing fragments of your nail to traject into bowls of cereal, in between fibers you walk on known as the carpet, and into cracks where the missing quarters and socks resides. While 98% of the owners of this technology use the latter, I noticed a particular package hanging on the shelf of Target not only built with a guard, but taking it one step further–it was enhanced with soft, ergonomic grip for those of you who have butter fingers.
Being a technologically saavy dude who gravitates toward the cutting edge, literally speaking, I felt obligated to offer a contribution to the company that cleverly pushed the envelope of nail-trimming technology. So I ecstatically took it home, unpackaged it, only to find…
A design flaw.
I suspect they invented this item at some obscure lab in Area 51, because apparently they decided that human evolution* has reached the next stage and that the toe nail has mutated into reverse curvature. In the image above, one can see that while the clipper for the finger nail (left) has an inward curve, the toe nail clipper (right) is complete opposite. Unfortunately this presents an unnecessary challenge for those of us posession toe nails of normal curvature. There is already a casualty from this offensive design. A dear acquintance of mine, who shall remain anonymous, has unfortunately utilized this tool and involuntarily reshaped her toe nail into an unpresentable, hideous form. The only mitigating factor is that toe nail “will be back”. It was like trying to shape a graham cracker perfectly round by taking bites out of it.
Clearly I will be rescinding my contribution to this company tomorrow, but I have just two words to anyone with enough insanity to consider adding this deceptive nail accessory to their bathroom collection: Stay away.
*disclaimer: The author of this article does not believe or condone the theory of evolution. Any references to such term is strictly for illustrative purposes only.